New look

The old theme was somewhat funky but not “contemplative” enough for my liking. This one is courtesy of that image in the header (wonder where that place is…)

This one also has a cleaner layout and also displays more posts than just the most recent. So here it is.

Hopefully, it also displays well on both Windows (Firefox or IE) and Mac (Safari) browsers.

Now it’s getting late and I’m headed back to work tomorrow (until I change sections and then I go on SWOTVAC leave for exams). Dear God help me. …

I’ve decided to save what I had planned to post (according to the blog earlier on in the day) for another time. I can’t really write about worship and liturgical theology now while I’m in a bit of a depressive nightmare. So given that this blog is my cheap form of therapy, best I get it out of my system…

I’m content with where I am in the world but am I happy most of the time at church? Not really. There’s a sadness that pervades my self while I’m there. Some people might be able to guess at why that’s the case. Though having said that, when I’m usually alone here at home or even in the middle of Brisbane CBD, that’s when I’m actually happy.

When I’m sitting here at home in lectio with the Lord and Scripture/some theological text open in front of me, I’m happy.

When I’m ironing clothes, pulling out weeds, doing the laundry, washing dishes or any other mundane household chore, I’m happy.

When I realize that I’m through with finding romantic love at church, I’m happy (though having my parents tell me that people keep asking them about whether I have a girlfriend does bug the living heck out of me).

When I’m singing songs about broken hearted-ness, I’m happy.

When I’m praying those Psalms of despair, I’m comforted and happy.

I could go on but I won’t.

The thing was that even all the above being so, seeing one of my nieces (around 2 and a bit years old now) last night before heading off to the MYF Committee meeting cheered me up a lot. Herself, her parents (my cousin and cousin-in-law) along with my cousin’s younger brother and wife came down from Toowoomba yesterday arvo. In particular, the story I heard today from Dad about what happened after I went when she banged her head against one of the free-standing cupboards and crying like mad for the next 5 minutes. And then she walked over to the offending cupboard and spanked it while saying: “BAD!” Absolutely adorable.

The other two little ones (well, they’re not so little now) are coming over this Friday evening along with their mom and my mom’s older sister, so that should be a blast. Am going to have to get used to being called kow-foo (‘uncle’ in Cantonese) for the next couple of weeks.

Hopefully, this depressive state I’m in will leave me tomorrow. Given that I’m back in the CBD tomorrow, I’m looking forward to going to Mass at St. Stephen’s at lunchtime. I’ve found going to Mass at lunchtime during my depressive states to be really comforting. I wonder what the Scripture readings will be tomorrow though…

On another note, my one-year Benedictine anniversary is coming up in a month and a half’s time (5 days after St. Benedict’s feast day on July 11). Have found that while this past year I’ve been mildly depressed more than usual, Benedictine practices such as examen before compline, lectio, the Benedictine Offices and the general monastic practice of silence have managed to help keep my sanity and will to remain alive going.

Now time for examen, compline and sleep. Hopefully tomorrow goes by quick.

Pax,
+ bf 2348hrs

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One thought on “New look”

  1. Brandon,

    I love the new look of your blog. Much more contemplative.

    Without the spiritual disicplines that I’ve worked on over the last few years, I don’t think I could handle some of the hard interior work I’ve been dealing with this year. It sounds like that is true in your life as well. I’m thankful for the monastic practices that keep me centered and somewhat balanced.

    Peace.

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