25th Sunday in Ordinary Time
A warning sign | I missed the good part then I realised | I started looking and the bubble burst | I started looking for excuses | Come on in, Ive gotta tell you what a state I’m in | I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones | That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is | I miss you | Yeah the truth is | That I miss you so
A warning sign | You came back to haunt me and I realised | That you were an island and I passed you by | And you were an island to discover | Come on in, I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in | I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones | That I started looking for a warning sign
And the truth is | I miss you | Yeah the truth is | I miss you so | And I’m tired | I should not have let you go
So I crawl back into your open arms | Yes I crawl back into your open arms | And I crawl back into your open arms | Yes I crawl back into your open arms.
Lyrics — Coldplay “Warning Sign”
Here endeth one part of my life and the beginning of a new part…
No, I’m not getting engaged or married (that’s two steps removed from where I am currently in my life!). Don’t hold your breath for that happening anytime in the near future (my chances of the above happening are at best, slim to none).
This morning after Sunday service, we had MYF elections for the 2007-2008 MYF Committee. And here endeth a brief spell as being MYF Chairperson/President (whatever you want to call it) and a period of about 5-6 years of being a MYF Committee member in one shape or form.
There’s been an element of sadness in making this decision to step down (it has been a part of my life for around a quarter of it). And an element of guilt (’cause I know that the incoming chairperson/president, Ems, is busy like heck as well). But there’s also a great sense of relief too (maybe now this broken and worn body and mind of mine can actually find some time to recuperate now).
The relief also comes as a blessing because I’ve almost hated going to church on the weekends now. “Why?” you may ask. Well, as I think I’ve written before, I’m not going to church to worship him then, instead I’m there for the program. Which is probably why (save for the times when I pray my abbreviated Daily Office) there hasn’t been any joy in my heart (to sing that would be a lie) on the weekends. And why I have been listening to lots of depressing music. And why I’ve looked like such a hardass, asshole and one who is almost perpetually pissed off at the world most of the time at church on the weekends (I call this the “grumpy old bastard” side of me).
As the Coldplay lyrics above suggest, y’all should be able to figure out who on earth I’ve let go of. All the warning signs have been present there for a while, but I ended up blinding myself to it (hoping that it would all be a bad dream and when I opened my eyes, everything would be fine). Even though the position is there, it hit me hard and I found that holding such a position in church life has ended up causing not the sort of good stress that is beneficial for the completion of work and that makes me strive to serve God properly, but the bad stress that has sapped me of almost all capacity to love and serve others as Christ does because I don’t even know how to love myself healthily. I’ve given almost all that I have that there is very little left to give of myself to anyone (whether that be a future girlfriend, my parents and relatives, friends at church and outside of it or others).
Now in a group, I’m like a statistic, a body amongst the crowd. Which is not good for all in the body of Christ as this part of the body (i.e. me) is sick and needs medication. I’ve let go of Christ for most of this past year (hanging on by a tiny thread) and dammit, all I want to do is crawl back into His arms now that I am tired like heck.
The next year or so will be a time of intensive recuperation for me. Study of the Scriptures, the Rule, along with a more balanced church, social and personal life is needed so that by God’s help and grace, balance will come again and I might actually regain the joy I once had in serving God at CMCA-EMP. And maybe, just maybe, at work people won’t look at me on a Monday morning and wonder why the heck I still look drained and worn out after a weekend.
For all of you who were elected today as MYF Committee members, you will all be in my prayers for the next year and I’ll try to help y’all out whenever I can if you need it. Will still be a phone call, email or MSN IM away from y’all. Here also begins a slow transition from MYF to Young Adults Group also (3 years too early according to the recommended age groupings for both MYF and YAG).
Last Friday for those of you who were liturgically inclined was St. Matthew’s feast day. That’s the St. Matthew who was a former tax collector before becoming the one who wrote the Gospel that bears his name. He’s the patron saint (along with St. Zaccheus) of all who work in the tax collecting industry. Two thousand years later than Matty and we’re still a despised bunch of people. Which reminds me that I better get my tax return done for last financial year…
Anyway, Eucharist at St. John’s Cathedral on Friday was great. At first I thought I was going to be the only one there (which would have almost been a private mass), but then the other 4 regulars showed up plus a couple more randoms. The liturgical color was red and it was different, but nice, to see another color in use during this period of “Ordinary Time” when most vestments are colored green.
Yet another big week ahead.
- Pen & I need to work on a few things in the English chapel (namely trays for the power, data and audio cables) on Tuesday night.
- Handover of duties to the new MYF chairperson and committee on Thursday night at Ems’ house.
- As one of my final duties as outgoing MYF chairperson, got to organise MYF to help clean the church before next Sunday’s service (maybe Friday night or Saturday afternoon).
- Saturday morning practice for Sharon & Andrew’s (‘S&A’) wedding.
- S&A’s wedding on Sunday arvo which’ll be followed up by reception at Mt Cootha next Sunday night.
- The same old, same old at work except this week will be busier with more prep and analysis before the business trip over to Perth in about 3 weeks time.
Here’s hoping that I get through it alright with less stress than usual and a LOT more sleep than usual.
+ bf 1543hrs