Advent 2 – Sunday
It’s been yet another year. It was at about this time last year that I wrote that “Hope” would be the theme I’d be meditating upon for Advent 2007. This year, I have the very same theme on my mind again.
Last year it was the feeling of ‘burnout’ that I was escaping from. This year, the burnout still remains but I’ve been battling my on and off bouts of ‘the blues’. It might be clinically defined as dysthymia (minor depression) given that I may exhibit at least two of the symptoms, but heck, I’m not a psychiatist so I’m not qualified to make that call. But this mood is certainly enough to give me the shits on a fairly regular basis.
And so “Hope” continues to be my meditation for Advent 2008.
The hope in Christ that objectively exists even though at times I may not feel like anything good is happening in my life.
The hope in Christ that objectively exists even though at times I may feel that God is distant from my life (and to use a cliche, it may just be that I am in the palm of his hand at such times).
The hope in Christ that objectively exists despite my subjective understanding of what is going on around me.
The hope in Christ that objectively exists when I think that I’m a jackass, moron, idiot, dumbass, f***wit and utterly useless.
This hope is what I’m meditating on given that my prayer for the last few weeks has been that God breaks me. Physically, emotionally, mentally, intellectually and whatever else-ly. That my id be put into its proper place and reside in harmony with my ego and superego (while the other two also be broken and put into their proper places). So far, my prayer seems to have been answered.
So with this hope then combined with the breaking, I may see just a little bit of the foolishness of Christ in my life (1 Cor 4:10 and to laugh with joy for it) and recognize it in the lives of the many holy fools that have been called into the Kingdom of God.
And in all of this, what is my Advent reading?
I’m revisiting my bookshelf and re-reading Simon Chan’s Spiritual Theology. It has been good thus far to become reacquainted with an old book again and take in more of Chan’s condensing of the best spiritual wisdom of the Christian faith from Scripture and various Christians from across the ages and from the worlds of Roman Catholicism, Protestantism and Eastern Orthodoxy.
And in light of what I’ve written above, maybe I should also reacquaint myself with Fyodor Dostoevsky’s The Idiot. The first time I read it, I kept wondering how on earth Prince Myshkin could ever be the Christ-like figure in it but over the last few days, The Idiot has been gnawing away very slowly at the back of my mind. That I should revisit it and see if I can see Christ in that wise idiot Myshkin (the holy fool) who is a rebuff to the world of knowledge, intellectualism and just plain outright idiocy (ala Idiocracy) that I live and exist in.
Lastly, as this calendar year is finally winding down, to reground myself in the Divine Office, which has been neglected in the hustle and bustle of my new tasks, roles and responsibilities that have come my way after the promotion earlier this year. That I may hearken to the voice of Christ in the Psalter and in the readings from Scripture as found in the lectionary.
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